Guest Blogger Jessica Patch: Nothing Says I Love You Like Dog Poo

by | Guest Blogger | 17 comments

I met Jessica R. Patch online through her hilarious, yet spiritually moving blog, What Are You Doing Here. She’s one whom I can’t wait to meet in person. Her posts make me LOL and nearly bring me to tears. And I always leave with some nugget of wisdom. 

Jessica R. Patch writes inspirational contemporary romance with plenty of mystery and suspense. A passion to draw women into intimacy with God keeps her motivated, along with heaping cups of caffeine in the form of coffee. When she’s not hunched over her laptop or speaking to a women’s group, you can find her sneaking off to movies with her husband, embarrassing her daughter in unique ways, beating her son at board games and contemplating how to get rid of her irksome dog (she hasn’t attempted any of them…yet). She is represented by Rachel Kent of Books & Such Literary Agency.


I woke up early, on purpose. Bible study, coffee, and reading a few blogs before Zumba and work. My husband was ten minutes to giving me my morning kiss and heading off to his job.

Naturally, my dog gets up when I do. I don’t know why. I’m an animal tolerate. I want to be an animal person. I’m just not.

I let her out to do her morning biz and proceeded to the brewed heaven. Before I had the chance to take a sip, Sarah (my dog) is at the door, nose to the glass ready to come in. But I notice something about my little Schnauzer/terrier mix. Something is clinging to her backside. A lot of something.

Oh. My. Gosh. I can’t let her in! But…

I go into the bathroom, hubby is standing at the sink–khakis, bare chest, a smidge of shaving cream still lingering behind his ear. “The dog has poop stuck to her butt.”

He looked at me through the mirror. “Ok.”

He makes no mention to help me out. I go back to the kitchen grab a wad of paper towels, roll up the sleeves to my picked, but favorite robe and step outside. “I hate you,” I muttered. I tried to pull it off, but it smeared into her fur. I gagged. Wiped.

Then puked all over my patio.

I came inside, turned on the water, rinsed my mouth and hubby came in and saw me. He was already running late. I fell against the wall, pulled a perfect Lucille Ball….waaaaaah! “I didn’t sign up for this!”

He went outside, got the dog and brought her in. Then he washed away the filth, cut off some funky hair and said, “I didn’t either. But I love you… Throw the scissors away.”

I sniffed, wiped my eyes and kissed my husband good bye.

And I realized the honeymoon is over, but my husband is still deeply in love with me. What else could it be?

And then I thought about God. Isn’t that the kind of love He has for us? When no one else wants to let us in because we’re full of filth and stankiness, He does. He loves us enough to not puke on the patio. To cut wash us clean, and to cut away funky “hair.”

When the poo hits the fan, that’s when love it tested. Or in my case, when the poo hits my dog’s butt.

Your Turn: What has your spouse or loved one done for you to show real love?

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  1. Jessica R. Patch

    Thanks, Lisa, for having me! I am SO looking forward to meeting you in person too!

    Also, this site is making me figure out five – _____ = 3. That is just wrong for a woman who doesn’t do math. Yes, I had to think about it and use my fingers! 🙂

    Hope you had a relaxing 4th of July!

    • Cynthia Herron

      Yep. Math, blech! 🙂 But my comment worked! Yay!

    • Lisa Jordan

      Jess, you crack me up. Thank you so much for being my guest blogger! Your story makes me laugh until I cry. You have a sweet hubby, that’s for sure!

      As for the math, just trying to keep your skillz sharp for when those advances come rolling in. 😀

  2. Cynthia Herron

    Laughed till I cried! Absolutely spot-on post! Great analogy!

    • Lisa Jordan

      I agree, Cynthia! Thanks for visiting!

  3. Cindy R. Wilson

    Well, that was sweet – poop and all. I’ve been with my hubby twelve years this fall and I’d say the biggest thing he puts up with is my worrying. Yeah, I pretty much worry about everything, and I’m very vocal about it. He just takes it in stride and accepts me as I am. True love, right?

    • Lisa Jordan

      Cindy, I do believe any time our hubbies take our flaws in stride is true love. Congrats on the 12 years.

  4. Melissa Tagg

    Ooh, Blogger makes me mad. It just ate my comment. (It’s my own fault. I forgot to answer the math question. My fear of math apparently came to the surface…)

    So, anyway, I’m not married (yet) but I’m pretty sure one day Tim Tebow will do something spectacularly awesome to show his real love for me.

    But I’ll tell ya, my family shows me love in so many ways sooo often. And I love that!

    • Lisa Jordan

      Sweetie, talk about displaced anger…this ain’t Blogger. 😀 It’s WordPress. I’m sure Tim will wow you on a daily basis once you’re married. I love how close you are to your family.

  5. Loree Huebner

    Hi Lisa! Hi Jessica!
    I had to do math to post this comment…lol!

    We’ve had poop on the paw that required teamwork.

    Eric will bring me a cup of coffee or a sandwich while writing. I think it’s the little things that really count…because they do add up. Fun post, Jess!

    • Lisa Jordan

      Loree, I totally agree about it being the little things that count. Grand gestures are great for romantic comedies, but it’s the falling in love over and over on a daily basis that keeps a marriage cemented.

  6. Gabrielle Meyer

    Just last night, after my husband worked a 14 hour day (he owns a landscaping business and summer is bread and butter time) he came across me almost in tears at the kitchen sink (okay, there were some tears). I had cleaned the house three times yesterday and the prospect of filling the dishwasher ONE MORE TIME was just too much. I was doing it, but it wasn’t pretty. That’s when he told me to go relax and he’d do it. Just having him offer to do this little thing for me – knowing he was even more physically exhausted than me – gave me enough energy to get the job done with a smile on my face. I told him to go relax himself and before I hit “wash” on the dishwasher I could already hear him snoozing on the recliner. He made my day. 🙂

    Thanks for the poop analogy, Jessica, it was spot on. And congrats on the new website, Lisa!! It’s lovely.

    • Lisa Jordan

      Gabrielle, that’s so sweet! I’m glad he was able to be your sounding board.

      Thanks for the sweet words about my site. I have a very talented web designer.

  7. Beth K. Vogt

    This is why I love you, Jess.
    You are real.
    You are hysterically funny.
    Will you please move in next door to me (after the Waldo Canyon Fire is 100% contained, of course)?
    And you weave such encouraging spiritual truth into your real, funny writing.
    It doesn’t get better than this.
    My husband … wow. He brainstorms stories with me. He ties my tennis shoes for me when we are out on our walks and one comes untied because right now I have vertigo and if I bent over to tie my shoe, well, I’d fall over. So … maybe he just doesn’t want to keep picking me up off the street … He understands that I have deadlines … and so many, many other things …

    • Lisa Jordan

      You have a great guy, Beth. No doubt.

  8. Julie Jarnagin

    Hahaha. You’re hilarious, Jessica. My husband and I are such opposites. He loves to hunt and fish. He’s always up for an adventure. He loves social situations and is usually the life of the party. I’m quiet in social settings. I love books and staying home. He loves me despite all our differences and never ever tries to change me. I’m so thankful for him!

  9. Michelle Massaro

    Fabulous post, Jessica! I love the way your mind works. =)