Therefore encourage one another
and build each other up,
just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV
Quite a few years ago, I “vented” to my then sister-in-law (she and my brother-in-law have divorced since then) about something my husband had or hadn’t done. I said, “I don’t mean to complain, but…”
She replied, “Yes, you do, but you’re frustrated.”
Her response floored me.
I meant to complain? No, I wanted to vent. There’s a difference. Right?
No.
Venting equals complaining. By doing so, I was tearing down my husband.
Quite honestly, I get quite annoyed by male bashing because I’m the only female in my house. By lumping all men together, I’m saying my husband and my two sons are part of that group of men who can’t do anything right.
And that’s not the perception I want any of them to see from me.
I saw a quote on Pinterest stating, “Don’t talk bad about your husband to anyone. Ever.”
I have to confess and say I was convicted by that statement.
Yes, I get frustrated, but it’s my choice how I deal with that frustration.
I want my husband to feel like the most important person in my life. I want him to know I have his back. I want to build him up so he’s the man God created him to be.
Here are my simple tips for building up your husband:
- Pray daily. Pray for his spiritual walk. Pray for his parenting skills. Pray for his job. Pray for his health. Pray for his attitude. Pray for his devotion in your marriage.
- Speak truth. Tell him how much you love him every day. Let him know what a good father he is. Share something about him that you love. Every. Single. Day.
- Love always. Love is a choice. Love is a commandment from God. Love is essential to every marriage. Say “I love you” daily. Show how much you love him by doing something that pleases him, even if it’s something little like making his lunch or keeping his laundry washed and folded.
- Honor him. You made a vow to honor him for the rest of your life. A promise. When the marriage gets tough, don’t be so quick to end the marriage.
- Choose peace. Frustration happens because our insecurities surface or our expectations aren’t being met. If you find yourself becoming frustrated with your husband, consider why. If he didn’t take out the garbage like you asked, is it worth getting on the phone and griping to your best friend? Maybe he did forget. Instead of lashing out, let him know how you feel and what expectations you had in a way that strengthens your bond instead of biting his head off.
- Model Godly behavior. If you have children, you are modeling behavior. They notice when Mommy and Daddy fight, when they show love and how to have a strong marriage. Model the kind of Godly behavior you want your son or daughter to share with their future spouses. Instead of calling Daddy an idiot, make sure your child knows about Daddy’s intelligence or kindness. If you’re in a spiritually mismatched marriage, your Godly behavior will be noticed by your husband.
Building up your husband takes purposeful thought and effort, especially if you’ve fallen into a negative pattern. If you’re struggling in your marriage, take it to God in prayer. Every marriage is different and no couple is perfect, but with God’s help, you can have the kind of marriage you desire. Building up your husband daily will go a long way in creating a marriage that lasts a lifetime.
If you would like to write a guest post about Why Marriage Matters, please email me via my contact page, and I’ll be in touch. For Why Marriage Matters guest post guidelines, click here: Why Marriage Matters guidelines.
Your Turn: If you’re married, how do you build up your spouse? If you’re not married, how do you see others build up their spouse? Share examples.
Tweet to share: Are you building up your husband? @lisajordan shares Why #Marriage Matters: Building Up Your #Husband http://ow.ly/j8WVN
Hi Lisa Jordan! This is Mai at the Happy Wives Club and Fawn wanted to make sure you saw the note that our Thursday link up party has now moved to Marriage Mondays – beginning today. We want to get all our favorite married bloggers linking up every Monday so we hope you’ll join us.
Love this, Lisa! I like using Facebook to build up my man. By posting statuses that uplift him and brag about how great he is, I honor him. It can be so hard to not give into complaining…love your tips here!
I LOVED this post! It really bothers me to hear women and sometimes my friends speak badly about their spouse. But it’s also a reminder to me that if I’m ever tempted to “vent” I’d be tearing down my best friend in the process. Not cool. Great subject and thanks for linking up!
Love your tips, Lisa! Many thanks for linking up! 🙂
Lisa,
I love this new emphasis on marriage and all the ways you build up your husband could each be their own post.
When I was widowed, one of the things that hurt the most was how unappreciative the women around me could be about their husbands.
A relative loves to send me jokes she thinks are quite funny but they bash men and aren’t at all funny to me. I also have quite a few sons and now live as the sole female in my home. I want to encourage them and for them to know how important they are.
I also teach my children that God provides what we have through the hard work of their dad. When we do something big, like go to the movies we thank him. Even just grabbing a drink at the food court, we thank him. I’m just really big on thankfulness and not taking anything for granted.
I look forward to another post! Thanks so much, Lisa!
Simple math problem: debatable. 😉
I loved this post, Lisa. So much truth here and wonderful advice. I read the 5 Love Languages and discovered things I can do to make my husband feel loved. Leaving little notes of affirmation in the sugar bowl as a surprise when he gets a morning cuppa, a homemade card on the steering wheel of his truck…it not only builds him up, but it keeps the romance going!
I so agree, Lisa. When we entered military housing all those years ago, I was determined NEVER to talk bad about my husband and by the time I left there, several woman had noticed and commented about it. Not that they stopped doing it themselves, but at least I had a clear conscience before God and others and especially before my dear Handsome.
BTW you are a good wife and mother.
I’ve seen so many women put their husbands down, and I want to say something, but it’s always in front of others, so I don’t. I never have understood that. Another thing I learned about “venting” about your spouse. The husband and wife usually makeup, and the spouse puts the details of the incident out of their mind, but the person the spouse vented to doesn’t. And it will always color the way the spouse is viewed by that person that was vented to.
First, I love the photo — so symbolic.
And I appreciate your stand for marriage.
I try to encourage my husband by remembering his love language is different than mine–and that it’s important to “speak” love in a way that fills his tank.
I also try to walk away from the computer when he walks into the house each night — a very concrete way to say “You’re my focus now.”
These are great tips, Lisa. And I love that your sister-in-law (even if she is a former :() stopped you dead in your tracks. It is so true. You can’t complain without meaning to.