Guest Blogger: Melissa Tagg–Love and Romance and All That Stuff
When I met Melissa Tagg at the first My Book Therapy Storycrafters Retreat, I knew she was a person who was going to add instant sunshine to my life. This was reinforced when we roomed together at ACFW. Melissa is a sweet and funny person who makes me laugh, but she also has a heart for Jesus. I invited her to be a guest blogger because I wanted a single girl’s perspective of love and romance. So, without further ado…let’s talk about being married.
Let’s talk about being married.
And specifically, how I’m, um, not. 🙂
When Lisa invited me to guest post and noted her blog centers on love, romance, marriage, family, I thought, Hmm, Melissa. Probably better stick to the family part. Or friendly love. Or romance in fiction.
Because, hey, fictional romance I can do.
The real thing?
Okay, just kidding. Mostly. I’ve certainly skirted the edges of “being in love.” I’ve definitely had romantic moments. And I’ve been close to thinking so-and-so might be the proverbial one. (Let us not get into a discussion about whether “the one” or soul mates even exist. A romantic philosopher, I’m not.)
But no, I’m not married. So what can I say of value to readers – the bulk of whom probably are married – about romance and marriage?
Well, maybe there’s something to be said for being an outside observer. And in my years of playing Peeping Melissa (quite figuratively, I might add – no window watching), I’ve realized that maybe my old teenage ideas about true love and romance and what it takes to be married were all…well…seriously wrong.
I used to think I needed a guy who played guitar. Had just the right amount of facial hair. And could handle my slight obsession with flannel. How could I possibly fall in love with someone who didn’t?
But these days I’m thinking love – the real thing – is much more a choice than a can I/can’t I? thing. What I really want? What I really think marriage comes down to? The kind of love that’s made up of constant choosing. The kind that says:
I choose to love you because I believe God gave us to each other. Maybe we’re feeling the lovey-dovey-ness of romance today, but a few months or years or decades from now, when morning breath and personality quirks and yeah, probably my headstrong leanings get in the way, it’s not a gooey feeling that’s going to carry us through. It’s a daily – maybe sometimes even hourly – choice to love that’s going to make this marriage work.
That’s the kind of love I see in the successful marriages around me.
And I wonder, in some of the not-so-happy marriages, if the real problem is that the couple involved has forgotten the power of choice. The choice to work hard…to forgive…to love unconditionally.
I guess what I’m saying is, when the next guy comes along (I’m looking at YOU, Tim Tebow), I’m not going to be so interested in the guitar playing as I am the choice before me. Maybe it’s not “Can I?” but “Will I?”
Your Turn: So for those of you who are married, tell me, am I even close to correct? Do you find yourself choosingto love your spouse? And before you were married, did you have any faulty conceptions about what love or marriage looked like? And for those of you not yet married like me, I just want to know: Are we going to have to fight over Tim Tebow? Melissa Tagg is a former reporter turned fiction writer who believes faith, laughter and love are the perfect mix for a fabulous book. She serves on the development team for a Christ-centered homeless ministry and as the marketing/events coordinator for My Book Therapy. She is the 2010 winner of the MBT Frasier Award and an ACFW Genesis finalist. Connect with Melissa at www.melissatagg.com and on Facebook and Twitter.