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Why Marriage Matters: Building Up Your Husband

Why Marriage Matters graphic

Therefore encourage one another 

and build each other up, 

just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV

Quite a few years ago, I “vented” to my then sister-in-law (she and my brother-in-law have divorced since then) about something my husband had or hadn’t done. I said, “I don’t mean to complain, but…”

She replied, “Yes, you do, but you’re frustrated.”

Her response floored me.

I meant to complain? No, I wanted to vent. There’s a difference. Right?

No.

Venting equals complaining. By doing so, I was tearing down my husband. 

Quite honestly, I get quite annoyed by male bashing because I’m the only female in my house. By lumping all men together, I’m saying my husband and my two sons are part of that group of men who can’t do anything right. 

And that’s not the perception I want any of them to see from me.

I saw a quote on Pinterest stating, “Don’t talk bad about your husband to anyone. Ever.”

I have to confess and say I was convicted by that statement. 

Yes, I get frustrated, but it’s my choice how I deal with that frustration.

I want my husband to feel like the most important person in my life. I want him to know I have his back. I want to build him up so he’s the man God created him to be. 

Here are my simple tips for building up your husband:

  • Pray daily. Pray for his spiritual walk. Pray for his parenting skills. Pray for his job. Pray for his health. Pray for his attitude. Pray for his devotion in your marriage.
  • Speak truth. Tell him how much you love him every day. Let him know what a good father he is. Share something about him that you love. Every. Single. Day.
  • Love always. Love is a choice. Love is a commandment from God. Love is essential to every marriage. Say “I love you” daily. Show how much you love him by doing something that pleases him, even if it’s something little like making his lunch or keeping his laundry washed and folded. 
  • Honor him. You made a vow to honor him for the rest of your life. A promise. When the marriage gets tough, don’t be so quick to end the marriage. 
  • Choose peace. Frustration happens because our insecurities surface or our expectations aren’t being met. If you find yourself becoming frustrated with your husband, consider why. If he didn’t take out the garbage like you asked, is it worth getting on the phone and griping to your best friend? Maybe he did forget. Instead of lashing out, let him know how you feel and what expectations you had in a way that strengthens your bond instead of biting his head off. 
  • Model Godly behavior. If you have children, you are modeling behavior. They notice when Mommy and Daddy fight, when they show love and how to have a strong marriage. Model the kind of Godly behavior you want your son or daughter to share with their future spouses. Instead of calling Daddy an idiot, make sure your child knows about Daddy’s intelligence or kindness. If you’re in a spiritually mismatched marriage, your Godly behavior will be noticed by your husband.

Building up your husband takes purposeful thought and effort, especially if you’ve fallen into a negative pattern. If you’re struggling in your  marriage, take it to God in prayer. Every marriage is different and no couple is perfect, but with God’s help, you can have the kind of marriage you desire. Building up your husband daily will go a long way in creating a marriage that lasts a lifetime. 

If you would like to write a guest post about Why Marriage Matters, please email me via my contact page, and I’ll be in touch. For Why Marriage Matters guest post guidelines, click here: Why Marriage Matters guidelines

Your Turn: If you’re married, how do you build up your spouse? If you’re not married, how do you see others build up their spouse? Share examples. 

Tweet to share: Are you building up your husband? @lisajordan shares Why #Marriage Matters: Building Up Your #Husband http://ow.ly/j8WVN 

Lisa Jordan
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Guest Author Krista Phillips: Why Can’t My Guy Be More Like a Romance Novel Hero?

I’m thrilled to have my fellow agent-mate Krista Phillips back as a guest author today. She was a guest author back in August with her wonderful post, Until…it is you.

I had the privilege of spending a little time with Krista at the recent ACFW conference and did a happy dance at seeing her book in the ACFW bookstore. 

Krista writes inspirational romantic comedy. She believes a sprinkle of laughter (and a wee bit of chocolate) makes everything a little better! She blogs regularly about life as a wife, mother, follower of Jesus, and mother of a child with a rare congenital heart defect at www.kristaphillips.com. Her debut novel, “Sandwich, With a Side of Romance,” released in September, 2012.

~*~

I love my husband.

That’s a pretty good thing, huh!

I LOVE writing romance, but one of the common things I hear from Christians who do NOT love Christian romance is that it creates an ideal in relationships that is unachievable.

To a point, I agree.

That perfect hero… six-pack abs, swoon-worthy manners, isn’t tempted in the least to look at another woman, and loves our heroine to distraction regardless of her faults. Oh, and he has a fabulous job and can easily support our heroine.

*sigh*

Why can’t MY husband be like that?

While I am madly in love with my husband, I’ll readily admit that he isn’t one that I would write as the hero in a book. He’s super quiet, work his fingers to the bone in a not-so-sexy job to put food on our table, has a little pudge around his middle, and his sweat isn’t quite as appealing as our heroine’s obviously feel like our heroes sweat is.

But he’s mine.

And I’m head over heels in love with him.

To expect him to live up to the standards of a romance novel is pretty insane.

And as a woman who reads romance, even Christian romance, I agree that to lust over fictional characters is just as bad as doing so over a “real” person.

So does this make Christian romance wrong? Lead us to temptation?

Maybe. If it does, then honestly, don’t read my books. I won’t mind.

But my real hope is that my readers won’t want my hero for themselves.

Instead, I hope…

  • For my single readers, that they will realize the importance of waiting for the man GOD wants for you, and how GREAT the romance can be when you do.
  • For my married readers, that just maybe the romance will remind them of the spark with their own spouse that sometimes needs a little kindling from time to time.
  • That we’ll remember that the ultimate romance between the bridegroom (Jesus) and his bride… US! 

Your turn: Do you feel romances (Christian or secular) create an idealistic view of romance? Why or why not?

~*~

She moved to Sandwich, Illinois, in search of a new life, but ended up in a giant pickle. 

Sandwich represents hope for twenty-year-old Maddie Buckner and Kyle, the eleven-year-old brother Maddie wants to spring out of foster care. Then she loses her new job after less than a day. It’s all Reuben-the-Jerk’s fault, and she’s determined to make him right the wrong.

He does so, reluctantly, by giving her a job at his restaurant, The Sandwich Emporium. Then crazy things start happening at the restaurant, and Kyle’s foster parents apply to adopt him. To stop it all, Maddie must learn the art of humbling herself and accepting the help God has arranged, risking her heart to Reuben in the process. And she’d rather eat a million corned-beef on rye sandwiches than do that.

Available for at…

Amazon.com
Christianbooks.com
barnesandnoble.com 
Booksamillion.com

or ask for it at your local bookstore!

Lisa Jordan
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